The World As I See It

No one gives a shit is a pretty fair way to begin your day. Truly, it is. That basic understanding is that, at least generally, no one cares. But that isn’t true, is it? The sun is up. Someone gives a shit.

I have been married for over ten years; I will probably always just say that because trying to remember sets of numbers is something my brain just cannot handle. My demons have ADHD and lightsabers; it’s a whole thing Over the course of my marriage, there has been strife, conflict, distance, silence, screaming, and Love. It took me a really long time to realize I was the problem.

All of the aggressive words were my fault

The Love was my wife.

It took me a long time to realize the walls I built were coming down on top of me. The castle I built was on fire, and I was too scared to run. Into the rubble and ash plunged the hands of my Mother just as she had my whole life. My wife’s hands were black with words and deeds inflicted upon myself, as she clawed them from my skin.

Both sets of hands came from women; there is a lesson there I will get into later.

The first set gave me life; a gift I cannot comprehend. nd not only life; she wanted me to live. I am her son.

The second gave me a son and trusted me to be his father. Gift, and grace all at once. I am her husband.

Once I was safe, I started to write, a lifelong habit, and once I knew I was safe from myself, I started to think. And in those thoughts, those conversations with the mirror writing my story. I found God, smiling, laughing, telling me to catch up faster. He had more important shit to tell me. The more I wrote. The more I thought. The clearer it became.

I prayed for the star that landed in my lap. My wife, My Love.

“Once you understand, you will write it down, you will talk about it,” he said to me.

Well, here I am.